Invisible
by Steel Fairy
Summary: Not every illness can be seen.
1. depression part one

**AN: Self-harm and mild blood warning. See AN at the end.  
**

* * *

 _~Invisible~_

Sonic watches as Mario squints at the pill bottle in his hand, reading the instructions printed on the label.

"I need to cut all of these in half..." he murmurs, digging a knife out of the drawer and opening a cabinet for a cutting board. He reaches for the knife before Sonic places his hand over his.

"I got this, you finish sorting."

While Mario hesitates for a moment, he eventually nods and moves on to sorting through another bottle of medication, dropping the tiny pills into his sorter for the week. Sonic meanwhile has finished splitting the pills and shoves the pile towards Mario who reads the instructions on the bottle again before sorting the pills accordingly.

"There," Mario sighs in relief. "Now it's done for another week. _Grazie_ for the help."

Sonic weakly smiles. "Well hey, it's the least I can do, right?"

Mario nods in response, before plastering a smile on his face that looks forced to Sonic. "Well, enough of this depressing stuff. Let's go do something else."

Sonic bites his lip, unsure, but eventually agrees and loops his arm in Mario's. "Yeah... okay."

/~/

The side effects are kicking in. Mario once again reads over the sheet to find that yes - nausea is a common side effect, as well as the headaches he's been getting recently. At least he hasn't been experiencing any of the more severe side effects, like an irregular heartbeat or muscle convulsions. Finally, some good news to come out of this.

/~/

There are days Mario doesn't want to get out of bed. It's like all the energy has drained from his body and left an empty husk behind while his thoughts torment him, telling him that there isn't a point to anything and that he should just give up and not try anymore.

Sonic understands that the medication won't completely cure Mario, but it's still upsetting when he finds Mario curled in on himself staring blankly at the wall. He's come to realize that the best thing he can do is be supportive when his boyfriend is in this state, especially when Mario asks to be left alone.

/~/

There are times Mario completely melts down for seemingly no reason. Sonic holds Mario tightly as the latter hysterically sobs into his chest, clinging to him like a frightened child as he lets his pent up emotions out. Sonic doesn't know what else to do - he hates tears but right now he feels like crying alongside Mario.

"P-P-Please d-don't l-leave." Mario hiccups through the tears, prompting Sonic to hold him tighter, running his fingers through his unkempt hair.

"I'm not goin' anywhere. I promise."

/~/

There's the five days where Mario runs out of medication and they have to wait for Master Hand to get more. It's the longest five days of Sonic's life as he watches Mario go through painful withdrawal symptoms. He's constantly throwing up and can't keep anything down, he's trembling as if he's cold but his forehead is burning up and he looks so _frail._

It's a relief when the medication finally arrives and Mario slowly starts to get better after taking some, but Sonic never wants to see Mario in so much pain again.

/~/

What has he done?

The razor falls out of Mario's hand and clatters to the shower floor. Blood drips down his arm and off his fingers, mixing with the water and tinging it pink. He crosses his arms over himself protectively, a fresh wave of tears blurring his vision.

His wrist hurts.

He hates himself.

/~/

Sonic is silent when Mario admits to what he's done. He carefully runs his thumb across the scar, swallowing back bile he feels rising in his throat.

"Mar..." Sonic begins, his voice breaking, but that's all he can get out as tears form in his eyes, and for the first time in his adult life Sonic cries; cries because he hates how much pain Mario is in, cries because he can't do more to help.

He holds Mario tight once he's calmed down, once again promising to never leave him and telling him that he loves him. He means it too, he's willing to go through Hell and back and be right there fighting alongside him.

He doesn't realize that Mario never quite believes him when he says that.

* * *

 **AN: Some of you may have figured it out already from my profile or even other stories, but I suffer from depression and several types of anxiety. This story is the result of several years of feeling like I needed to hide it, but in reality it was the worst thing I could have done as I wasn't helping myself in the slightest. I chose Mario and Sonic as they're the characters I feel closest to right now, and I always turn to their respective games when I need comfort. I understand that many people experience depression differently, so I was just mostly going off of my own experiences. I just needed to let it out, and this was the only way I knew how.  
**

 **~Steel**


	2. depression part two

**AN: I didn't think I'd update this again, but here we are. Been in a bit of a low mood recently, so I wrote more of this.  
**

* * *

There are days when Mario just wants to talk. He's curled against Sonic, his head in the crook of Sonic's neck as Sonic rubs circles on his back. Mario tells Sonic how sometimes it feels like nobody would care if he was gone, and admits to occasional suicidal thoughts. He quickly assures Sonic that he'd never act on those thoughts, but if he were to suddenly cease to exist, he wouldn't exactly care.

Sonic swallows down the vomit he feels rising in his throat.

/~/

Sonic has learned that trying to relate to Mario's issues is one of the worst things he can do. After all, he doesn't _have_ depression like Mario does, and has come to realize that Mario's emotions are stronger than the ones he feels. He's had to admit to himself that he has _no idea_ what it's like in Mario's head. So he opts to listen when Mario goes into detail about what he's feeling. Sonic says nothing, he just nods and cuddles against Mario and wipes his tears away.

"I'm here for you," he whispers in Mario's ear. "Promise."

/~/

He's asleep.

Sonic gently runs his fingers through Mario's unkempt and unwashed hair, not exactly sure if it's helping his boyfriend or not but it feels like it's doing something so he continues. Mario's face is one of peace at the moment, meaning he must be having a good dream. Too many times has he awoken to thrashing and whimpering next to him from nightmares. It's nice to see Mario at peace for once.

He gently presses a kiss to Mario's forehead and Mario hums in his sleep, drawing closer to Sonic. Sonic wraps his arms around Mario and closes his eyes as well, hoping to be the one to chase off his bad dreams.

/~/

Mario feels like a burden on Sonic. He knows that Sonic is a being of freedom, and right now he feels as though he's stripping Sonic of that freedom. He hates himself for being so selfish and knows that Sonic deserves better than someone who can't get out of bed some mornings.

"Why are you still with me?" he eventually asks Sonic.

"Because I love you," Sonic responds honestly, staring deep into Mario's eyes. "And don't you ever forget that."

"But there are others who-" Mario begins before Sonic cuts him off.

"I don't wanna be with anyone else. I chose _you,_ an' we're gettin' through this together, alright?"

 _'But why?'_ is all Mario thinks.


	3. anxiety

He was fine five minutes ago.

He feels sweat beginning to form on his brow and the nape of his neck. His breathing has become quick, panicked, and his heart is racing. It's too bright, the music is too loud, and why is it so hot in here? He begins to roll up his sleeves before stopping himself - exposing his bare arms would mean exposing his scars that he just _knows_ everyone will judge him for. He feels Sonic's concerned eyes on him, clearly seeing that his expression has changed.

"You okay?" Sonic whispers to him, and Mario shakes his head. Sonic frowns. "Is there anythin' I can do?"

 _'Get me out of here.'_ Mario wants to say, but this is an important meeting that's mandatory. Instead he sighs, shaking his head. "No... no."

Sonic rubs Mario's arm in an attempt to calm him. "I'm right here, 'kay?" he murmurs, and the door clicks open. Master Hand floats out, beckoning the two Smashers into his office.

No turning back now.

/~/

Master Hand offers both of them water and both decline, Sonic because he's not thirsty and Mario because even though he's parched he knows he's shaking too violently to hold a paper cup, plus he feels like he could vomit at any point. He feels Sonic's eyes on him but ignores it as Master Hand goes into detail about the new tournament rules he's set in place. Mario attempts to focus but the music's still too loud and he's sweating even more now. He risks it and pushes up his sleeves, revealing his self-harm scars to the world but even that is a feeble attempt as his face is suddenly burning and it's enough to catch the attention of Master Hand and Sonic.

Master Hand says something, but Mario can't hear it thanks to the high-pitched whine in his head. He can see Sonic's lips moving but hears no words.

Then his face drains of all colour and he passes out.

/~/

Mario wakes to Sonic's concerned face above him and something soft under his head. He groans and very slowly sits up. Sonic hands him a cup of water.

"Drink somethin', it'll make ya feel better." he says, his voice barely higher than a whisper. Mario accepts the cup and brings it to his lips, drinking deeply before setting it aside.

 _'Pathetic,'_ the voice in his head taunts. _'You can't even make it through one meeting without panicking. Now everyone knows just how useless you really are.'_

"Mar?"

Mario turns his head and his eyes meet Sonic's worried ones. A pang of guilt goes through him as here Sonic is on the floor with him when he could be doing something else. Something more important.

 _'He probably thinks you're pathetic too. He probably doesn't even love you like he says he does. It's probably just some over-elaborate prank that everyone's in on except you. After all, why would anybody love you? You're a_ loser, _and that's all you'll ever be in anyone's eyes.'_

"Mar, you're startin' to scare me." Sonic's voice wobbles, and Mario can't help but want to scoff. Sonic really wants him to believe he cares, doesn't he? Fine, he'll play along with the game.

"I'm fine."

Sonic clearly doesn't buy it but nods anyway. "'Kay, well... Master Hand rescheduled the meeting, an' you just take it easy, 'kay? I'm right here, I'm not goin' anywhere."

And even though Mario nods, the voice in his head still taunts him.


End file.
